some of our biggest fears we have about accepting compliments is coming across as being arrogant, not having a high self esteem, or out of habit. While we can’t delve into the why one might feel this way which is a personal journey we can however talk about practicle solutions on how to deal with this issue…
So – how can you learn to accept a compliment without either dying of mortification or coming across as a boor? The secret lies primarily in knowing yourself. Self knowledge is required to address both the insecurity and the boorish aura of entitlement that compliments can generate. When you know yourself, you will know whether you deserve the compliment that you have received. The plain facts about yourself, untainted by false modesty or inflated ego, will either support what you are hearing or indicate that you have been paid an insincere compliment.
Here are five steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice.
Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, “Oh, it was nothing”, do you argue with it by saying, “No, I don’t look good, I look awful!” or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you’re at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice.
You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you’d like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response (in front of a mirror is best) until saying it feels natural and sincere.
What to say? A warm and heartfelt, “thank you”, coupled with a smile, is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
3. Pause.
When someone pays you a compliment, stop before you respond. This is where change happens – when we step out of autopilot and try something different. Take a deep breath and remember your wish to accept compliments more graciously.
4. Turn your attention outwards.
Focus on the person who’s giving you the compliment. Think about their intentions. Sometimes our inner critic tells us stories about the person being sarcastic, having some kind of ulterior motive or not truly meaning what they say. Instead, expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere.
Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they’ll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
Consequently, if you belittle their words by arguing, minimizing or looking as if they’ve just insulted you, they’ll remember that as well.
5. Try it from the other side.
Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to GIVE more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you’ll be focused more on the other person. As you’re looking for positive things to compliment them on, you’ll also be keeping your thoughts more positive overall, and you’ll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
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