All kids lie sometimes and usually, it shouldn’t be cause for alarm. However, when kids find that lying helps them stay out of trouble or helps them gain attention from their peers, it can become a bad habit. It’s important for parents to address lying in a straightforward manner that will promote honesty and discourage dishonesty.
1. Establish a Household Rule about Telling the Truth:
Create a clear household rule that stresses the importance of everyone telling the truth. This will ensure that your children understand your expectations and values about honesty.
2. Role Model Honesty:
Role model the behavior you want to see from your child. This means, telling the truth all the time. Kids can’t distinguish “little white lies” from other lies. So don’t let your child overhear you tell your friend, “I would love to help but I have a headache,” if you’re feeling fine. Your child will imitate what he watches you do.
3. Talk about Telling the Truth Versus Lying:
No matter how old your child is, it’s important to talk about honesty versus lying. Young children often need help understanding what it means to tell the truth. Make sure your child has a good understanding of what telling the truth means.
Telling the truth versus brutal honesty is another skill that children of all ages can benefit from discussing. For example, kids need to learn that they don’t necessarily need to announce to their friend, “That’s an ugly shirt,” just because it’s honest. Balancing honesty with compassion is a sophisticated social skill.
4. Distinguish the Reason for the Lie:
There are three main reasons kids lie; fantasy, bragging, or to prevent negative consequences. When you distinguish the likely reason for the lie, it can help you develop a plan for responding to it.
If a child lies because he’s bragging, it may be that he has low self-esteem or wants to gain attention. He may benefit from learning new social skills and from engaging in positive activities to boost his self-esteem.
All kids lie to get out of trouble sometimes. It’s important that their lies aren’t successful. Instead, make it clear to kids that you will be double-checking the facts.
5. Give One Warning:"
It can be helpful to give kids one warning when you are fairly confident you caught them in a lie. For example, say, “I’ll give you one more chance to tell me what happened. If I catch you lying, you will receive an extra consequence.”
6. Give an Extra Consequence:
Give your child an extra consequence when you catch him lying. For example, instead of just taking away his electronics for the day, give him extra chores to do as well. Take away privileges or use restitution as a consequence for lying.
7. Discuss Natural Consequences:
Talk to your child about the natural consequences of lying. Explain that as a result of his lying, there will likely be times that you won’t be able to believe him, even when he’s telling the truth.
8. Provide Positive Reinforcement for Honesty:
Catch your child telling the truth and provide positive reinforcement. Praise him by saying, “I know that must have been hard to tell me that you broke that dish, but I’m so glad that you chose to be honest about it.”
9. Help Your Child Re-Establish Trust:
If your child has a bad habit of lying, develop a plan to help him re-establish trust. Consider establishing a behavior contract that will help you know when he’s ready for more privileges based on his willingness to be honest.
10. Seek Professional Help:
There are times when lying can be a big problem for children. If your child’s lying seems to be pathological, or it causes problems for your child at school or with peers, seek professional help to address his lying.
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